Top 100+ Funny Status For Facebook

Facebook has revolutionised social networking for the unforeseeable future. The website now has enough users to constitute that of a whole continent. If you’re one of the 600 million + members, then you’d want to make your friends laugh via your status. So, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most funny status for Facebook users.

Recommended: 250+ Best Cute Facebook Statuses

10 – Parking ticket:

• Want to hear a joke about a parking ticket?” “No.” “Fine.”

• If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
• Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
• Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.
• If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
• Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
• FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block 🙁 THE END
• The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
• If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it
• I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
• The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
• I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
• I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
• I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
• My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
• That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
• Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
• Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
• Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she damn well pleases!
• Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
• I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
• Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..
• I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
• I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
• Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
• I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
• Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
• Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
• I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
• A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
• Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
• I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
• Dear Warner Bros: Now that I’m an adult, I feel I’m am old enough to hear what the “Beep Beep” is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
• Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
• Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
• Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
• Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
• Scratch here – ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal today’s status?
• Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done! 😛
• When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.
• Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
• Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.
• I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, “You’re next“.
• A murderer was sitting on the electric chair. “Do u have any last requests?” “Yes, will u hold my happy smileyhand?” XD
• Boy: hey dad I got a girlfriend Dad: Good job son! Girl: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend Dad: *loads shotgun*
• Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off, my dog does not own a bike!
• I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
• Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you’re in Heaven!
• Insert coin to view status message?
• When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half!
• If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in jesus name amen”.
• Ques: Why do Girls live Longer Than Boys? Ans: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, .. But Paying the Bill does.
• Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you don’t know
• Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Sincerely, Me.
• There’s no such thing as insomnia. Just a lot of people with Internet access. (by Ziggy)
• ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – Saket Narayan
• If a man said he’ll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
• Here’s an idea, how about everyone stfu and quit bitching about lame posts and just steal statuses like you’re here for anyways. Better yet, come up with your own shit if it’s such a big deal you uncreative douches. Now let the dislikes and vulgar comments begin.
• New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
• Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.
• Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.
• If love is a battlefield than my bedroom is Switzerland.
• just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile
• The only thing I hate about having a phone is when people call.
• My grandmother just asked me why I don’t have any photos on Facebook. Well, at least I know their privacy settings are working properly.
• “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?
• Ladies it’s only fair of me to inform you, in case you are diabetic, that I’m sweet. Also I have nuts.
• Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
• Don’t take anything i say serious, unless I’m telling you to get naked… then you can proceed immediately…
• “Don’t worry! I won’t kill you!” – the worst way to introduce yourself to a pretty lady on a jogging trail.
• Complete and finished are very similar. If you connect with the right person you’re complete, the wrong one and you’re finished.
• Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.
• I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked.
• I have Big Boobs, I am amazing at Call of Duty, and I can make a really good sandwich, Unfortunately I am a guy…
• Within 10 years, women will comprise over half the workforce. When it happens I can’t wait for daytime talk shows to start being geared more towards unemployed men. “Coming up next, we’ll get some tips on how to seem showered without actually having to and after that Dr. Steve will explain why your balls will sometimes start moving on their own when you sit on the couch!”
• I always win arguments with people on the internet because I do this super cool thing where I stop typing and log off.
• Drunk logic: “she’s only ugly in the face”
• 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
• If you ever Google “Grandfather Clock” be careful how you spell that shit.